Piece of the Puzzle

random musings on whatever…

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Thoughts on incivility, restaurant service and homophobic bakers

The issue of civility in no way compares to human rights violations. I also have no interest in hearing complaints about civility from Trump supporters as such complaints are completely hypocritical. On the other hand, there are good reasons to try to remain civil and respectful. Rude behavior can also demean one’s humanity. Perhaps the question is what constitutes incivility versus truth-telling, because truth-telling is dearly needed right now and to the oppressor it is going to sound like rude behavior. I despise everything Sarah Sanders and Trump stand for but I still believe that they are children of God worthy of love and respect. Of course, I also believe I have a responsibility to challenge their dishonesty, their constitutional violations and their crimes against humanity. But, incivility also widens the divide. In reading anecdotal articles about those who have made inroads and helped transform people who were white supremacists, it seems to happen through showing compassion and love, not getting in their face about the evil of their ways. I might also note that Jesus challenged religious authorities over their corruption but was also known to go to their houses for dinner. Is it possible to challenge immoral behavior and still remain respectful of their humanity (i.e. be civil)? If we not, then we put ourselves in danger of becoming them – incivility is a major tool of Trump and his followers. Kicking Sanders out of a restaurant could be construed as some dramatic truth-telling rather than incivility but what if, instead, the manager had pulled a chair up to Sander’s table and started engaging in a little verbal truth-telling, face-to-face? Maybe there were better ways to handle it (and maybe not).

Regarding the baker who refused to bake a cake for a gay wedding, I’m not convinced the situation is really different. Both were refusing service based on their personal sense of morals. The only difference I see is that I agree with one of them and not the other. I’m also probably in the minority of gay people because I’m also not totally convinced that he should be forced to bake that cake (although I understand the arguments for that and don’t oppose them). Frankly, if a baker doesn’t want to make me a cake, I’d rather know that up front. I don’t want to eat a cake made for me by someone who despises my very being. What if, instead of suing the homophobic baker to force him to bake cakes in the future, folks engaged in protests and boycotts instead? I think we always have options on how to react to injustice. It’s not always easy to figure out the best way.

The Family of God and LGBTQ Pride

In the early morning of Saturday, June 28, 1969, the New York City police raided a bar called the Stonewall Inn. This was a bar that catered to marginalized people: drag queens, transgender people, effeminate young men, butch lesbians, male prostitutes, and homeless youth. But the raid didn’t go as planned. Those marginalized people fought back against persecution that night. Riots developed and the modern liberation movement for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender persons was born. One year later, on June 28, 1970, Christopher Street Liberation Day marked the anniversary of the Stonewall riots with the first ever Gay Pride march. The New York Times reported that the parade of marchers stretched for 15 blocks.

48 years after that first march, we still celebrate Pride. Although the world is much different than it was for LGBTQ people in the 1950’s and 60’s, it is still important to celebrate who we are and to stand up and declare that LGBTQ lives matter. I feel blessed to live in a city that is relatively liberal and accepting but we don’t have to stray very far into the world to know it’s not that way everywhere. Even here in Kalamazoo, there is still much work to be done. Because of that Pride shouldn’t be a once a year party. We need to live with pride in who we are every day, affirming our self-worth to ourselves and to the world.

Our culture would rather that those who are oppressed and marginalized be invisible. Humans fear what we don’t understand. The world would rather we deny our authentic selves rather than challenge their notion of how the world is supposed to work. But, to deny who we are is, in religious language, a sin. To deny who God created us to be – lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, cis, gender-bending, queer, straight, etc. – is a sin. Denying who we are separates us from the Divine Presence within us and around us. It creates a barrier between us and the sacred and that barrier is what we mean by sin. In Jesus’ words found in Mark 3:20-35, it’s a serious sin, an unforgivable sin, a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.

When the religious scholars accuse Jesus of working for the Devil, they are accusing him of being something he is not. Jesus responds by telling them that they know better than that. They know his power comes from God but they deny it. They know the truth and yet they deny it. And he goes on to declare that denial a blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. In other words, to hear and understand the voice of the Divine within and still deny it is an unforgivable sin. To use the word unforgivable is a bit misleading, however. It’s clear from all of Jesus’ other teachings that there is nothing that cannot be forgiven. Or in the apostle Paul’s words, there is nothing that can separate us from the love of God. Perhaps Jesus here is engaging in hyperbole, exaggerating to make a point. Perhaps he’s trying to stress the seriousness of denying what we know to be true. For if we deny who we are, how does one recover from that? For those who are LGBTQ, we all have experience with what we call being in the closet. We know firsthand how damaging it is to our mental and spiritual well-being to deny who we are. The only way to recover from that denial is to embrace who we are. That’s not always easy.

We may need to work on discovering ourselves. We may need to overcome internalized homophobia. We may need to deal with hostility from friends or family. We may need professional help. We certainly need the support of good, healthy relationships. These things are not always going to be easy, especially if we lack the support of family. In scripture, Jesus’ family wasn’t so sure about him, either. We’re told they thought he might be losing his mind. Religious leaders were accusing him of working for Satan. He was constantly being mobbed by crowds of marginalized people, those needing healing, those thought possessed by demons. It was all beyond his family’s understanding. So his mothers and brothers went to try and rescue him, but Jesus wasn’t having it.

Jesus redefines family as what I’d call the Family of God – family defined by love, not blood. Anyone who lives with and by God’s love is our sister, brother, mother, and father. Jesus is teaching about community. To live an authentic life we need loving community, the support of family, of people who love us for who we are, as we are. That may include our birth family but it certainly includes the Family of God, those who love us for our authentic selves, who will support us in our times of need, who will forgive us when we mess up. It is this Family of God that we are called to be. It is this Family of God that can change the world.

One of my seminary professors interviewed people about what changed their minds regarding their acceptance of LGBTQ people. What he found was that it actually had little to do with their understanding of scripture. Discussions about how to interpret scripture and apply it to their lives didn’t matter nearly as much as getting to know someone who identified as gay. Relationship and love – these are the things that change people. Welcoming people into this Family of God is where the hope lies for this world we live in. That doesn’t mean converting people to Christianity. It simply means loving people unconditionally, for who they are, as they are. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

Note: The above reflection is an edited version of my sermon from June 10, “Family of God.” Go to www.phoenixchurch.org/sermons.php to listen to the entire message.

Ghazal for America, 2018

Ghazal for America, 2018

Tell another tale: build a wall high and thick, brick by brick.
Kill the sick, grab the chick. That’ll make us great again.

Parched of reason, we’re Jonesing for more Kool-Aid.
Guzzle it down, quick now. We’ll never be sated again.

Men with power suffer blood drain from the brain, get too
keen on their peen, can’t they just stay home and masturbate again?

Editors drop fly attracting dung bombs defining reality in six words
or less. Fire all the headline writers and tell it straight again.

Send Sherman to march on Congress, leave no regulation unturned,
un-spurned, burn it all down faster than dems can create again.

Elected hoods robbin’ from the poor muse: sure would be nice
to tax ‘em and leave ‘em, to the rich we can donate again.

Politicos drain from swamp, leave billionaire snakes,
racist rats and nationalist alligators to alienate again.

Jesus must have said love your guns and your money as yourself.
How else would the Christians fall for the bait again?

Sticks and stones might break our bones but AR-15’s are harmless –
just ignore the dead children – can we ever close the flood gate again?

Not my fault says the bitter twitter assault. So bad, so sad
our prez eloquently opines. Will the abhorrent torrent ever abate again?

Go grand with your claim, never accept the blame: surely it must be
the black guy or that nasty woman. See how easy it is to hate again?

From seeds of integrity we harvest trees of fake news,
putting truth beyond our ken – and so we obfuscate again.

©2018 Kenneth W. Arthur

A couple thoughts on discernment

“The place God calls us is the place where our deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

– Frederick Buechner

At the beginning of each new year, it is customary to make resolutions and reflect upon our desires for upcoming year. A big part of discerning the call of the Spirit is to simply listen and reflect on God’s voice in our lives. Discernment means to live attentively while intentionally listening for the Spirit in our lives. It will eventually lead us to decisions and actions but it’s not necessarily about getting there in an efficient manner. It’s more about sitting with our questions and dreams and listening for God’s guidance. It’s about asking what God wants for us, not from us. It’s about being true to ourselves and to our chosen spiritual community. Discernment is something we do both individually and together.

There are many ways we might listen for God’s voice. Take some time to think about what works best for you. Most of our spiritual practices are about listening and communicating with the Divine Spirit within, that loving wise voice deep in our hearts that wants the best for us and this world. Common practices include prayer, meditation, and reading scripture. However we talk to Spirit, though, we also need to make sure we take time to listen by building some silence into our spiritual practices. Try to let go of ego and cultural pressure to think and act in a certain way and listen for what Spirit is trying to tell us. Try not to analyze everything to death. Thinking in logical practical terms is a good thing but not if we stay so much in our heads that we stifle our hearts and our creativity. Do something artsy as part of the listening process. Draw, write a poem, journal, whatever works for you.

As we’re listening, how do we know we’re hearing Spirit? How do we know we’re tapping into Divine intention? Perhaps we start to feel excited instead of fearful, challenged instead of overwhelmed, energized instead of tired. We might feel a sense of peace and clarity. Maybe something will just feel “right,” as if it was meant to be. Spirit can be subtle. It might not be easy to hear over the din and hubbub of our daily lives, the political turmoil, and everything else going on in the world. That’s why we need to not only be attentive but intentional. If you don’t already, set aside some time, maybe each day or a couple of times a week, to ask Spirit a question and then listen for the answer. It might be most helpful to ask the same question multiple times and in different ways.

(This short reflection was adapted from a slightly longer one I wrote for my church’s newsletter on January 5, 2018. The church’s website is http://www.phoenixchurch.org)

Preparing the Way for Peace

What do we mean when we talk about peace? Are we referring to a political peace, the absence of war and violence, or an internal peace, a deep spiritual contentment? Sometimes peace gets defined as a lack of violence but I wonder if it wouldn’t be better defined as a lack of fear. Jesus connects peace and fear more than once in his interactions with the disciples. We often let our fears control us whether we realize it or not. We shop like crazy because we fear not having enough. We think power means prestige because we fear not being in control. And when our fears make us desperate, we turn to violence. But we can achieve peace if we stop letting our fears run our lives.

A first step in preparing the way for peace within ourselves and in the world is to follow the model of John the Baptist who prepares the way for Jesus, whom we might call the bringer of peace, with a “baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sin.” This is just a church-y way of saying that to turn to God (i.e. repent) we need to take that which separates us from God (i.e. sin), our fear, and remove its power over us, leaving it behind. To do that we need to name our fears, recognize, and confess them so we can leave them behind. Naming something can reduce its power over us. To leave our fears ignored, un-named and un-challenged is to leave them in charge. In naming and rejecting the power of our fears, we repent, turning instead to the Divine, to God. We put our trust in the power of love that is our very nature as children of the Divine.

There are a couple of other tools that are helpful in preparing our hearts for peace as well. The first is the practice of non-judgement. Jesus teaches us not to judge others. When we spend too much time and effort on judging people and situations we create fear, anger, and disappointment in ourselves instead of living in peace. We do need to make judgements sometimes but what would it be like if we were extra-slow to judge people and situations as bad or good, right or wrong, as just or unjust? Might we be able to see others in a new perspective? To be more compassionate for what others are going through? To avoid self-pity and depression, always thinking how unfair life is?

The second tool is mindfulness. What if we took just a little bit of time each day to not worry about the past or the future but just live in the moment? Take five minutes today to just pay attention to what’s going on around you, hear the sounds you might normally ignore, look for something that’s always been there but you’ve never noticed before. Engage all of your senses. In that moment, realize that you’re alive and that God loves you. In that moment, when you don’t worry about past or future, there’s nothing else you need. There is nothing to fear. And because in that moment you fear nothing, you let a little peace into your heart.

(I originally wrote this short reflection for my church’s newsletter. It was inspired by my sermon from Sunday, December 10, 2017. The church’s website is http://www.phoenixchurch.org)

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